Summer Movie Preview

It seems like every year, the summer movie season starts earlier and earlier. June was the usual jump-off, until about six years ago, when "Spider-Man" came out the first weekend of May and shattered records. Since then, even late April has brought a big film or two about. So, I thought today we could take a look at what this year's crop of summer pictures has to offer.

(in chronological order)

May 2:

Iron Man - He of the most successful post-drug career in Hollywood, Robert Downey Jr., is suiting up to play Tony Stark. Now, because of his history, I'm pretty sure the part in the comic about him being an alcoholic won't be in the movie, but I'm still excited. However, this actually isn't the Downey movie I'm most excited for (more on that later). This probably isn't even the superhero movie I'm most excited for, but I think this'll work. I just haven't been awe-struck by the trailers for this like I have been by some of the others.

Made of Honor - And now, ladies and gentlemen, counterprogramming. See also: "The Notebook" coming out against "Spider-Man 2" in 2004 and "The Devil Wears Prada" released against "Superman Returns" in '06. This might work as well as those did, because though I'm handing in a man card to say this, this film really doesn't look that bad at all. Patrick Dempsey's a likable guy, and he was good in Enchanted. "Grey's Anatomy" still sucks, though.

May 9:

Speed Racer - I've never really wondered what dropping acid and going to a carnival would be like, but I imagine it'd look something like the Wachowskis' (The Matrix trilogy, V For Vendetta) imagining of Speed Racer. They've taken the deep-focus style used in films like Citizen Kane, where everything in a shot is in focus at the same time (as opposed to just the foreground), and created a live-action cartoon/rainbow explosion with it. The cast is solid (especially John Goodman looking like the lost third Mario Brother as Speed's dad), but I have a feeling that the people who got motion sickness watching Cloverfield might not even show up for this one. Personally, I'll be seeing it on IMAX and watching in awe as my synapses are fried.

What Happens In Vegas - A romantic comedy starring Ashton Kutcher. Moving on.

May 16:

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - I didn't see the first one. I thought it looked like The Lord of The Rings for the under-12 set, but I saw the trailer for this, and I think I'm sold. I just have issues with the fact that religious allegory in films like this is acceptable only if it's in favor of religion. If not, we get the Golden Compass debacle. That's another rant for another time, though.

May 22:

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - For the sake of full disclosure, I have to mention that I have only seen "Raiders of the Lost Ark", and saw that film for the first time only this past summer. With that being said, I'm a huge Spielberg fan, and I'm really interested to see how this franchise catches on with the current generation of young filmgoers, considering most of them hadn't been born yet when the last Jones film came out.

May 30:

Sex And The City - I've tried to watch the show this film is based on before. I went in with an open mind, and I still hated it. Many close female friends have told me I just don't get it because I'm a guy, and I respond by saying that, as my tastes in pop culture as a whole go, I'm a lot more open-minded than the average 19-year-old guy. For fuck's sake, Say Anything and Love Actually are both among my favorite films. I just can't see listening to four rich women talk about sex and whine a lot being a use of two hours of my summer, without making me hate myself the next day.

June 6:

Kung-Fu Panda - The kid in me (the one who took two little sisters to see Horton Hears A Who last week and laughed harder than either of them) is incredibly excited for this movie. Jack Black and Seth Rogen as animals that do kung-fu? I'm so there on opening day.

You Don't Mess With The Zohan - Reasons why this could be hilarious: Judd Apatow has a writing credit, Sandler's back to his older-school schtick and the trailer looks promising. Reasons why this could suck a fat one: When's the last time Sandler made a really good screwball comedy? (I'll go with Anger Management, and I was in junior high when that came out).

June 13:

The Happening - M. Night Shyamalan got absolutely blasted for Lady In The Water, but in all honesty, it wasn't a terrible movie. Sure, it wasn't as good as his other films, and it didn't give the twist-ending payoff people have come to expect from him, but it was still a good time. With this in mind, I blame the people who slandered him for the fact that his new film is about Mother Nature causing people to kill themselves in extravagantly violent ways. I've been waiting for Shyamalan to tackle an R-rated film for a while now, but I'm just having trouble getting behind this.

The Incredible Hulk - I cracked up when I heard about this, to be honest. Apparently, even Marvel Comics thought that Ang Lee's 2003 stab at the Hulk story was terrible; so much so, that they've basically called a do-over on it. Replace Eric Bana with Edward Norton, Jennifer Connelly with Liv Tyler and Nick Nolte with Tim Roth, and I'm psyched. Add to that the fact that according to the producers, the final fight scene between Hulk and Abomination is going to be 26 minutes long, and I'm doubly psyched.

June 20:

Get Smart - Please, God, Let This Be Good, Part I: The trailer shows a lot of goofy promise, there's a fantastic cast attached, and this might be Dwayne "Don't Call Me The Rock" Johnson's chance to tap into all the charisma he showed in his WWF days and actually apply it to one of his films. (Other than Southland Tales, but most people haven't seen that. If you haven't, stop reading this right now and go rent it.) I just have my doubts, given that Warner Brothers really isn't pushing this as hard as most other companies are with their tentpole films, at this point in time.

The Love Guru - Please, God, Let This Be Good, Part II: When Mike Myers is working for a paycheck, he can be downright terrible (The Cat In The Hat. Enough said.) However, when he's really on his game, like with the Austin Powers trilogy or So I Married An Axe Murderer, he is easily one of the funniest men in Hollywood. Despite the fact that all sorts of Middle Eastern rights groups are already up in arms about this movie, Myers wrote it himself, he's been working this character in clubs for years now, and he has Romany Malco (who co-stole the show in The 40 Year Old Virgin) to play off of. If this is terrible, I'm probably going to fall into a massive depression.

June 27:

Wanted - Universal seems to have major faith in this flick, but so far, I'm not feeling it. I can't quite put my finger on what it is, either, but this just looks like an amalgam of about ten other action movies that I've already seen. Bonus points to Angelina Jolie for still doing movies like this while being one of the most publicized actresses in Hollywood.

Wall E - Weirdly enough, this might very well be my most anticipated film of the summer. Pixar has yet to make a bad movie (I wasn't a fan of Cars, but a lot of people are), and now, they're releasing a film with only one human character and a bunch of cute robots that communicate through voiceboxes, set several centuries in the future and set around a trash-collecting robot's quest to save his beloved EVE. I honestly think this movie is going to forever change what filmmakers do with animation, I truly believe that.

July 2:

Hancock - Ill-thought-out third act notwithstanding, Will Smith's performance in I Am Legend was one of those command performances that has to be seen to be believed. Now, for his latest shattering of Fourth of July box office records, he's playing an alcoholic superhero who hires Jason Bateman to polish his image, only to fall in love with his wife (Charlize Theron). I'd just like to note that this movie was originally titled Tonight, He Comes, and to be honest, I'm a little sad that they didn't keep that title. The talk show jokes practically write themselves.

July 11:

Hellboy II: The Golden Army - The first Hellboy was a huge surprise to me, and left me wanting more. Plus, after Pan's Labyrinth, Guillermo Del Toro could film himself painting for two hours in silence, and I'd be there on opening night. I just hope this doesn't fall into the sequel trap; that is, to cram too much in for the sake of making it epic.

Journey To The Center Of The Earth 3D - When I saw the trailer for this (attached to the 3D re-release of The Nightmare Before Christmas last fall), it was just called Journey 3D. It's been changed now, most likely because those looking to get their "Don't Stop Believin'" on in theaters would have been very disappointed. However, from what I've read about this, Brendan Fraser has put yet another nail in the coffin of his once-flourishing career. For instance, this movie has Fraser and his son taking cell phone calls. In the center of the Earth. I'm all for suspension of disbelief in movies, but that's just ri-goddamn-diculous.

Meet Dave - I couldn't handle three Eddie Murphys in Norbit. Apparently, there's going to be around a hundred in this. That's material for a room in hell right there.

July 18:

The Dark Knight - This chatty little indie surrounds the existential crises of.....oh, screw it. You've been inundated with everything about this movie, and unless something goes terribly wrong, this might very well shatter every expectation of what a superhero movie can and should be. Can't. Freaking. Wait.

Mamma Mia! - And now, ladies and gentlemen, more counterprogramming. Honestly, I don't think you can get any more "counter" in counterprogramming than releasing a musical based on ABBA songs against The Dark Knight. Doesn't look bad at all, though.

July 25:

Step Brothers - Will Ferrell doing a non-sports movie? Awesome. (Seriously, Semi-Pro was awful.) Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly as childish best friends whose parents are about to get married? This has the potential to be Anchorman funny. I'll wait, though, because potential can only go so far.

X-Files 2 - I was too young to actually have watched the series when it was on, but given that I worship at the altar of Lost, I might just try to catch up with it. This movie is definitely going to be manna from heaven for a certain sect of people, but I don't know how well a film based on a series that ended over five years ago is going to come off to a broad audience.

(I'd also like to note at this time that on this date, a football-related family comedy directed by Fred Durst is coming out. Yes, that Fred Durst. The guy who, in the song "Rollin'", rhymed the words "here" and "here" while rapping. Yeah.)

August 1:

He's Just Not That Into You - Now, I'm not sure, but I thought the book this was based on was a self-help book. Weird source material aside, the premise screams "generic date movie", but there's some really talented people attached, so maybe there's a chance. It's good to see that Hollywood isn't exclusively reserving the summer for males ages 18-24 anymore.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - I really enjoyed the first two Mummy films; though I know now that they were really a poor man's Indiana Jones, they're still fun. I think this'll be pretty entertaining, given that it's been quite a few years since The Mummy Returns, and so enough time has passed for this to not be a mere cash-in.

August 8:

The Pineapple Express - Would it be a stretch for me to say that, in relation to film today, "Freaks & Geeks" might be the most important television show ever? Here, we have a buddy stoner action comedy (yes!) starring James Franco and Seth Rogen, about a stoner and his friend/dealer who end up being pursued by the mob. Or something. The trailer didn't quite make sense, but it has funny one-liners, explosions and the unbelievably good M.I.A. song "Paper Planes", so this looks like a fantastic summer movie.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 - Remember that argument I made about Sex And The City? About how anyone can potentially enjoy a female-skewing film? Yeah, I'm not going to lie to you, I have no intention of being anywhere near this. Sorry.

August 15:

Star Wars: The Clone Wars - George Lucas intended this "add-on" saga as a live-action film, but decided it would work better as a cartoon. And by "decided it would work better", I mean that he probably finally realized how shitty the prequel trilogy really was. I say too little, too late, but people will be camping out for this anyway.

Tropic Thunder - This is the Downey movie I'm most psyched for this summer. Why? Well, in case you haven't seen the trailer or the teaser posters, he plays an actor who, in order to go Method on a part written for a black actor, has his skin dyed and starts quoting "The Jeffersons". Terrible? Yes. However, with him, Ben Stiller and Jack Black playing actors in a war film that get dropped into a real war zone, I'm along for the ride, political correctness be damned.

Also, sometime in August, Eli Roth's Trailer Trash is supposedly coming out, where he plans on releasing, in theaters, an hour and a half of fake trailers like the ones in Grindhouse. I couldn't be more excited.

And there you have it. Once again, don't see Meet Dave, and have a good summer!