Top 10 Reasons You Need To Rent "Santa's Slay"

1. Bill Goldberg, former mediocre professional wrestler, plays Santa Claus, by way of a biker. Also, he's a viking. Also, he shoots hot coal out of his mouth, as well as fire from time to time.

2. To reiterate: In this film's mythology, Santa Claus is Nordic. Apparently, he had to be good for 1,000 years after losing a curling game to an angel. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

3. I guess this is supposed to be a horror movie. That makes it even funnier.

4. Fran Drescher and Chris Kattan are in this movie. Okay, they didn't really have credibility to lose. However, James Caan is in this too. Wasn't he up for an Oscar once or something? Also, Emille De Ravin (the pregnant girl from "Lost") is too. She doesn't get a pass, because at least the aforementioned actors are only in the opening scene. She's a main character. In some strange way, her presence in this movie makes her hotter.

5. The major climactic fight sequence involves a portal to Hell, presumed death by zamboni and more curling. The point is, this is the coolest the sport of curling has been, is or will ever be.

6. Instead of a reindeer, Santa's sleigh takes flight by the power of a bison. Its nose still glows red, though. Oh, and at one point, Viking Santa Goldberg shifts the bison's gears into overdrive. Because, you know, animals have gears and everything.

7. A Jewish delicatessen owner is killed after being pinned to the wall with a menorah by his throat. So, not only is "Santa's Slay" awesome, but it's stereotyping fun for the whole family!

8. In the opening scene, Viking Santa Goldberg bursts through a concrete wall without breaking a sweat. Later, he spends about thirty seconds trying to break through a glass door.

9. When a character is impaled onto a flagpole, the EMT who shows up busts out a circular saw to cut him off. If that's actually standard procedure, then I never thought I'd say this, but EMTs are actually kinda metal.

10. Viking Santa Goldberg punts one of those little furball dogs within the first five minutes. Should this be funny? Probably not. Is it? Oh, hell yeah.