Ten Reasons You Need To Go Out And See "Death Race".

1. Because even though Paul W.S. Anderson managed to make two bad "Alien Vs. Predator" movies, the fact remains that homeboy directed "Mortal Kombat". If we give him our money, maybe we'll see more of the Highlander as Raiden and Sub-Zero being frozen and killed. Especially the latter. I don't care if it didn't make sense, that shit was awesome.

2. Jason Statham is ripped as hell. Seriously. That dude could use me as dental floss. And then claim all the women in my family with a single brooding gaze.

3. All the navigators, "bused in from the female prison", look like models. Not one of them has a mullet or a moustache thicker than any I could grow. Therefore, this is the best fantasy flick since the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy.

4. A guy gets killed by the side of a moving car. I'm pretty sure it was by the door of the car. I really don't have some cute punchline for this one. That's just really, really metal.

5. For all the video games that have been (poorly) turned into films over the years, this is the first film that truly needs to become a video game. There are level-up pads on the racetrack, one-dimensional prison badasses and even introductory shots of said badasses that look like "Character Select" screens. I would play the shit out of this game, even if it'd basically be "Twisted Metal Black" without the scary-ass clown.

6. Hearing acclaimed, award-winning actors swear profusely and for no valid reason is always fun. When Morgan Freeman did it in "Wanted", I cheered. When Joan Allen drops "cocksucker" in this, I achieved enlightenment.

7. At one point, Statham stops his car mid-race to snap a white supremacist's neck. Now, as much as I hate neo-Nazis, if I'm in something called the Death Race, I'm staying in my armor-plated car. I wouldn't be trying to tempt the guys who have machine guns strapped to their hoods.

8. Relating to my last point, if my navigator looked like Natalie Martinez, I'd never leave the damn car. Especially if I was Jason Statham. We'd have the greatest children ever. They'd be gorgeous and able to survive a mile-high fall from a helicopter.

9. There's a guy named Pachinko. I don't remember which one he was or what his car looked like or anything else. I just remember that he made me think of this, which bought true joy back into my life.

10. What else do you have to see this weekend? "Babylon A.D." should only be viewed when the version that Fox didn't ruin comes to light (review of that one coming Monday), and the weekend's other new release is "Disaster Movie". God kills a kitten for every ticket sold for "Disaster Movie". Think of the kittens.