Inside The Mind of a Movie Blogger Buying Cheap Shit at Blockbuster

All right, I have money. I also haven't bought a movie in about six months, which is just unacceptable. I need to up my collection.

OOH! Three movies for twenty bucks? Win. All right, what do we have here...."The Hottie and the Nottie." Now, wait, is this....YES. This is the one that Paris Hilton was in, that literally set box office records for futility. I swear to God, I don't know why anybody casts her in anything. She has a bitch face. If she was a nanny, and she wanted to be the nanny of my theoretical children, I would not allow her, because my children would adopt bitch faces by proxy.

Now, we have "I'm Not There," which is amazing, even if I don't quite understand the whole part with Richard Gere, as Billy the Kid. That shit was weird. Getting that, though...

What's "Red Line"? I know I've heard of this. This is the one Eddie Griffin movie that had literally nothing but still shots of cars and sideboob in the trailer. Speaking of sideboob, here's "Meet the Spartans." I remember asking a couple twelve-year-old boys why they watch movies like this, and they said for the chicks. I told them to watch some real porn. It's not like it's particularly hard to find. My roommate once showed me this chick, who took a gun and....

FOCUS. I need to pick a couple more movies. "Into the Wild"....I mean, it was an amazing movie, but it also kinda made me cry like a pussy, so maybe I shouldn't. Ah, well. I'm getting it. While I'm at it, "Cloverfield" as well.

Also, I have just noticed that "How She Move" is available. I don't know what the fuck this is about, other than breakdancing. All I remember was riding the El home drunk one night, and seeing the billboards for it, and having a lot of fun with that. In light of such tender memories, I would be remiss to not buy it. Except, you know, for the part where my film collection automatically loses all credibility.

Now, I've just found a reason to leave this terrible place. There is literally half a table filled with copies of "Beowulf." Fuck Blockbuster. That movie was bad enough when it was in 3D, so I'm pretty sure that without it, there's no reason at all to watch it. I can verify this theory, considering that I sort of watched "Journey to the Center of the Earth" at a drive-in, and it was not good, at all. I'm leaving.


(Brief final note: This is post #100. Congrats, y'all.)