A Series of Film Reviews in Two Sentences or Less

In the past 72 hours, I saw 7 1/2 movies. Given that I'm still hung over (yes, at 4 in the afternoon) and don't have full-length work in me, I'm going to try and review them all in two sentences or less. Ready? Break on three. One...two...DUCKS FLY TOGETHER!

(I apologize. I'm not all there today, and I'm watching the first Mighty Ducks movie on cable. Those are still the shit.)

Thursday:

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Still my favorite movie of this year. Also, the Brew & View is amazing, when I disregard the fact that it totally looked like somebody came all over the seat I was in.

Friday:

Burn After Reading: The Coens still have it. And by "it", I mean the ability to make a quality movie that doesn't feel like your soul has been ripped out of your body after two hours.

Bangkok Dangerous: There's a scene where Nicholas Cage kills people while a deaf-mute lady he's out with is just smiling and walking around. This is pretty much my illustration of how hilarious and terrible this movie was.

Elegy: Ben Kingsley is a phenomenal actor, and even though Penelope Cruz is naked in nearly every movie she does, it's still always a treat. This being said, this is depressing as all hell.

Righteous Kill: Ladies and gentlemen, exhibit A in what happens when talented actors sleep through a movie and collect a paycheck. The rough sex scenes with Carla Gugino were just funny, because there was absolutely no context for any of them.

The Dark Knight: So I only watched the first hour again. But dude...I think "I'm not wearing hockey pads" might be my favorite line out of any movie this year.

Saturday:

Tell No One: I always used to make fun of French movies, because I always saw them as boring and pretentious. After watching this, and "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" last year, I would like to take this opportunity to eat my words.

Sukiyaki Western Django: This should've been cooler than it really was. And subtitled, because teaching Japanese people to speak English phonetically and with Southern accents was just not a good idea.