Friday, December 26, 2008

Review: The Spirit

There's no real way to write an accurate review of "The Spirit" in the style of a critic. This is half because on a normal four-star scale it's not a good movie, and half because I'm too much of a fanboy to be objective. So, I'm just going to outline some of the things that happen in the film. By the end of this list, you'll know whether you want to see this movie or not.

-Shit blows up.

-Shit makes dramatically shaped clouds when it blows up.

-Scarlett Johansson's entire purpose in this film is to be hot, spew serial-comic-circa-1950 dialogue and rock gravity-defying cleavage. Seriously, it could be seen from space.

-Samuel L. Jackson shows up as a Nazi for one scene, gives a dramatic monologue and then melts a kitten.

-Eva Mendes shows up as a femme fatale named Sand Saref, partially naked at one point. A Xerox of her ass is a major plot point.

-The Spirit (Gabriel Macht) utters lines like "I'm gonna kill you all kinds of dead" with a totally straight face.

-There is a fight sequence in which a toilet is used as a weapon. After it's used, the line "Toilets are always funny!" is exclaimed.

Now, it might seem unclear exactly what my opinion of this film was based on these things, but let me illustrate it this way. A friend of mine pointed out that if you combined the reviews of the Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun Times and another local paper I can't recall offhand, the film would get three stars. If you combined every review in the country, that is how I felt about this movie. Seeing it on Christmas night made me believe in the holidays again. Colors were brighter. Sounds and vistas, sharper.

Bottom line: Frank Miller directed a fanboy's masturbatory fantasy. Most people will say that it's trash filmmaking. I say please, sir, can I have some more?

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