Monday, July 28, 2008

WTF, indeed: Rocky Horror Remake

This is just a rumor (from the web) only, but Hollywood may indeed be up to no good in remaking this particular cult classic.

Yes I am talking about The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and I am disgusted. Why does Hollywood seem to be cranking second rate remakes of classic films. Someone should stand up and say this is wrong, just wrong.

Let's lay out all the factors. The original movie launched the career of Tim Curry (who will always be known to me as Frankenfurter) the sweet transvestite from Transexual Transylvania. Susan Sarandon, is another star from the film plays the lovely Janet Weiss and has gone on to do quite well in movies and television.

The music is timeless. I still catch myself singing along whenever I pop the CD in my car stereo.

And not to mention for generations of people who felt ousted and neglected by uptight contemporary conservative culture, this film was a good release and a place where they could be themselves.

Midnight showings are still happening everywhere.

This is a tragedy or will be if this film gets remade.

A Few Further Thoughts On "The Dark Knight"

Last night, I saw "The Dark Knight" for the third time. I didn't want to write a review or anything of that formal variety after seeing it the first couple times, because it would've been nothing more than me giving the movie a word-handjob. Now that I feel I can be a little more objective, a few thoughts on it:

-If Heath Ledger doesn't win Best Supporting Actor for this role, it will prove that in order to win an Academy Award, you have to play either a schizophrenic, someone with a dramatic mental handicap or a crazy fuck who kills preachers with bowling pins to win one.

-The one gripe I have with the film: I understand that Bruce Wayne has to use the deep voice when in Batman mode in order to preserve his double-identity, fine. However, both Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman) and Rachel (Maggie Gyllenhaal) know who he is, so why continue using the voice?

-I loved "No Country For Old Men," but you know what? A day after my second viewing of TDK, I re-watched it, and Anton Chigurh just isn't as profoundly unsettling as he was before the Joker came into my life.

-If you watch the scene with Harvey Dent, Commissioner Gordon and Batman on the rooftop, where Dent and Gordon are arguing, you can briefly hear Gary Oldman's English accent slip out. Call me a nerd, but I look at Commisioner Gordon and I see Sirius Black.

-(Spolier Warning)
I think what made Rachel's death so unsettling is not only the sound of Harvey screaming over the radio, but also the fact that right before the building explodes, you see her hair fly up and her face contort into a scream.

-Christopher Nolan needs to direct every superhero movie from now on. Except for Superman. After Brandon Routh, I think we just need to go ahead and let that one die.

-I now fear that no other superhero movie will be quite as good. Then again, Edgar Wright is doing "Ant-Man," and if done correctly, that could be funnier and more badass than "Iron Man."

-The interrogation room scene is, even after the third viewing, still profoundly unsettling. Likely best line of any movie this year: "I'm not a madman. I'm just ahead of the curve."

-(Spoiler Warning)
Now that Harvey Dent is unexpectedly dead, and for obvious reasons the Joker won't be making a return appearance, who will be the villain of the third and final film of Nolan's trilogy? Discuss.

Friday, July 25, 2008

WTF: Robocop

I was first introduced to the film series Robocop by my Production II teacher. I think that man used Robocop for every sound example in our class. When we were assigned to watch the same film in my Science Fiction Film class, I decided something has to be going on with this movie. And I was right. Everything is going on in that movie. I have since On Demanded (yeah, that's a verb) the rest of the series on those late Friday nights alone and even though they are pretty bad, they are still amazing.

Well as fate would have it, director Darren Aronofsky (Requiem for a Dream, Pi) has publicily stated that he will be making the fourth installment of the series for a 2010 release. Can we modernize Robocop, especially since the idea of a Robocop is coming closer and closer to reality? I just loved the first movie because it was so delightfully 80s. The fake blood, the explosive guns, the face good. It was funny but action-packed. And Red Forman was the villian. But I can't see Aronofksy having the same humor former director Paul Verhoeven had in his original 1987 release.

Shall I WTF this or give it a chance? My love for robots will let this slide...for now...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Watchmen Trailer

For those who were lucky enough to see The Dark Knight with the cool trailers (I saw Quantum of Solace and The Day the Earth Stood Still -- lame), you probably saw the trailer for the Zac Snyder movie Watchmen. Now, I've said before how wary of this movie I am, but the trailer makes me a little more relieved. I mean, putting aside the stupid slo-mo parts, the look and feel of the movie looks pretty close to the Alan Moore graphic novel. Plus, the Smashing Pumpkins (my favorite band) is playing in the background...oddly enough with a song that they wrote for Batman & Robin. But the version in the trailer is much, much better than the one featured in that awful movie. So, if you haven't seen it, or if you want to see it again, check it out here:

Friday, July 18, 2008

Film Review: The Dark Knight

I just saw the movie of the summer everyone has been waiting to see. And I am pleased to report, that it was the bomb. Well, not in every way. I was more impressed by Heath Ledger's Joker and Aaron Eckhart's Harvey Dent, than by Bale as the Batman.

Great actors. All three of them. But, Christian Bale sounded like he had throat cancer every time he dons the cape and cowl. He was forcing it a little to hard in some scenes. Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne, however, was a more natural performance. I felt like he did not have to try as hard to be the billionaire as opposed to the BATMAN.

Ledger's performance as the Joker is the end cap of a very promising career and a life that ended too soon. IF Batman is the anti-hero (a dark heart with a soul)then his arch nemesis the Joker is the consummate villain (a dark heart with no soul). Ledger's Joker does what he does because he can; he is evil, pure and simple. We may never no how the Joker came to actually be in this case. His story is told in dialogue with other characters. In one scene, he says his father scarred him and in another he implies that he did it to himself. One thing is certain, Heath Ledger put his whole heart into making a believably electric performance. And I will always remember him for that.

Aaron Eckhart is also not just another pretty face. As Gotham City's DA and future villain (the notorious Two Face), Harvey Dent was Gotham's hope personified. It was tragic to watch his character change and become corrupted like his face. But, with or without the cool make up, we see an irrevocably broken man. And with him (because of the Joker's meddling) went the hope of a city without crime and an easier life out of the shadows for Bruce Wayne.

All in all, an entertaining film.

To my other cohorts on this blog, sorry I beat you to this.
I just got back from the suburbs watching The Dark Knight, and I am left speechless. People, everything you've heard it true. Go watch it. Now. Otherwise you'll be the lamest person on the block. As a Chicagoan, it is your civic duty to see this movie. So stop reading this entry, go to Fandango, and buy a ticket to your local theater. I'm sure I'll post a more coherent entry on the greatness of this film when my Bat Lobotomy had mellowed out.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Tripping the Web: 7/15

News Item: Universal is already developing a sequel to the hit film "Wanted."
What you need to know: This doesn't sound too bad. The first film's only real weakness is that it wasn't quite ridiculous enough for a film of that premise. They can expand on this. However, (SPOILER ALERT) with only one main character left standing, they'll have to find an entirely new cast for the sequel.

News Item: Keanu Reeves is reportedly in talks to star in the Wachowskis' film based on the comic book character Plastic Man.
What you need to know: I won't make a joke about how Keanu's acting is like that of a plastic man. Too easy. I'd love to see this take off, just so the Wachowskis can get back all that credibility that they lost on the "Matrix" sequels and should've regained (but didn't) with "Speed Racer."

News Item: Megan Fox has publicly stated that she wants to do a movie where she appears in the nude for its entirety.
What you need to know: I....need to leave....for between five and eight minutes....

News Item: Woody Harrelson has signed on for a starring role in Roland Emmerich's "2012."
What you need to know: "2012" is the story of the world ending, as per the Mayan calendar, through a series of natural disasters. I couldn't be more excited. Emmerich gave us two of the best disaster movies ever with "Independence Day" and "The Day After Tomorrow." This could very well be his "Citizen Kane." Then again, he does have to top the one scene in "Tomorrow" where Donnie Darko outruns cold.

News Item: Michael Bay is developing a film based on the board game "Ouija."
What you need to know: I think we all need to stop mocking Bay and give him props. Dude makes so much money, he's never had to grow up. That's why he can walk into a boardroom to pitch a movie, tell executives he's going to blow a lot of shit up and be handed $150 million. This officially proves the man can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Well, that and the fact he's remade "Friday the 13th."

News Item: Attached to regular prints of "The Dark Knight" will be the first trailers for "Watchmen" and "Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins." The IMAX prints will get the first trailer for "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince."
What you need to know: As if you didn't already have a reason to go. However, many people (myself included) are sweating the "Watchmen" trailer, as that was the comic book that made a lot of people open their minds to the medium. The main concern is the guy behind "300" bringing it to life.

News Item: Eddie Murphy's "Meet Dave" debuted in seventh place at the box office.
What you need to know: This proves that maybe, just maybe, people have taste. The real litmus test comes in late August, when "Disaster Movie" (the latest parody film from the think tank behind "Meet the Spartans") hits theaters.

News Item: Writer Mike White revealed that a "School of Rock 2" is in the works.
What you need to know: Really? Why does this need to exist? I honestly believe the first "School of Rock" will be to this generation what films like "The Goonies" and "The Sandlot" were to others. I really, really hope this doesn't happen.

News Item: Rick Moranis has said that he will be the only cast member of the film "Ghostbusters" that will not be reprising his role via voice acting in the upcoming game.
What you need to know: He's not dead? Wow.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Max Payne trailer

I've never really played a lot of video games, mainly because my brother would always hog the system and never gave me the chance to play anything worthwhile until he beat it. But I do remember the joys of shooting up people in Max Payne. Now I knew they were making a movie about it but didn't keep up with how the production was going on it. 20th Centurty Fox just released the official trailer to it this week and let me tell you, I don't know if this is going to be good or not. I feel very torn on it. I think I don't remember the game as well as I did, because there are demons and shit flying around and Mark Wahlberg is shooting them up. It's almost a mix of Constantine and The Punisher, but I hope for Max Payne's sake that it's better than both of those films combined. Watch the trailer and make your own decision:

Things That Will Happen Upon The Release of "The Dark Knight"

1.) The film will shatter every box-office record known to man.

2.) Parent groups will get all up in arms because they took their kids to see a superhero movie that looks like it's darker than most Oscar bait.

3.) It will be the movie that finally reminds the Academy that the time of year a movie is released should not, and does not, dictate its quality.

4.) Heath Ledger will win a posthumous Oscar.

5.) Nerdgasms will erupt in every movie theater, to the point where geysers on the level of Old Faithful are coming out of four or five screening rooms.

6.) Most film sites will have absolutely nothing to talk about anymore.

7.) The second coming of Christ will occur, so that He can watch "The Dark Knight."

8.) Some guy, somewhere, will walk out of the movie saying how it wasn't worth all the hype, just to be contrary to everyone else. Twenty people will proceed to pull him out into the parking lot and beat the living shit out of him.

9.) Chuck Norris, hearing all the hype, will take the existence of "The Dark Knight" as a personal affront and challenge it to a fight. He and one reel of the film will be put in a steel cage, instructed to fight to the death. Chuck Norris will touch the reel, walk five steps, and then his heart will explode.

10.) Tickets to this film will be traded for drugs, sex and pardons from jail sentences. They will also become currency in Somalia.

11.) Remember those news reports of how the pregnancy rate went up nearly twenty percent after the World Cup? That was just a warm-up. This Friday, nobody goes to bed alone.

12.) People will stop seeing movies, because nothing else will ever be good again by comparison. "The Dark Knight" will officially destroy the film industry because of this.

13.) However, it will also cure cancer, so that'll even things out.

14.) Michael Bay will get his failed Dark Knight script off the ground by recycling it for the third installment of the new series.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Top 10 "F**k You" Moments in Film

Now, hopefully the headline grabbed your attention, be it due to the use of the word "fuck" or the fact that it is the only time in this article that I plan to censor the word "fuck." Also, as the first sentence has evidenced, I plan to use it gratuitously, because after having just watched "The Departed," I have learned that if I am to continue aspiring to writing an Oscar-winning screenplay one day, I need only Bostonian accents and about 726 uses of "fuck" to accomplish my goal.

When discussing "The Shawshank Redemption" not too long ago with my roommate (a film I somehow have never seen), he alluded to the ending as a great "fuck you" moment, out of the fact that it is a triumph of a character against forces plotting against him. I made two observations on this:

1.) My roommate is a dick for spoiling the ending of a classic film I have not yet seen.
2.) What truly defines a "fuck you" moment?

From my understanding, a true "fuck you" moment is not simply limited to somebody overcoming all odds. It is simply, within the context of the film's story, when a film's character has an epic moment of personal triumph against whatever battle they happen to be fighting. This can be a battle against a person, an organization, a culture or even an abstract concept, but they win out, the audience cheers, the lights go up and everybody goes home a little bit happier. Also, I believe that another facet of this definition is that the character gets what they want, even if this is a negative thing; they finally attain what they've been fighting for, in a way that functions as a direct slap in the face to any barrier that impeded the way there.

With this in mind, I would like to present my top ten of these. Feel free to disagree or point out glaring omissions. Given the nature of this article, this should be obvious, but MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD. Also, I've included YouTube clips of the ones I could find.

10. The King of Kong: A Fistful Of Quarters (2007)

At the supposed end of the film, Steve Wiebe ends up unable to claim the world record for "Donkey Kong" from scumbag Billy Mitchell, and the film ends with a touching denouement in which his good name is cleared, after months of dealing with Mitchell's slander. Cut to black, and you just feel sad for poor Steve, and angry as hell that the bad guy won. But then, (and I'm not using cliches here; the film actually says "But then...") the opening tune of "Ride of the Valkyries" begins to swell, and we see Wiebe playing again. A year after the events chronicled in the film, he took the world record. Score one for the good guys and fuck the hot sauce salesman.

9. The Usual Suspects (1995)

As far as big twist endings go, I stand by my opinion that the finale to the first "Saw" is the best ever, but this is the standard by which all others are measured. After being harassed, browbeaten and threatened by Agent Kujan (Chazz Palminteri), Verbal Kint (Kevin Spacey) gets the last laugh when Kujan lets him walk out the door, only to discover that the entire labyrinthe story Kint just spun was no more than just that: A story. Using clever powers of observation, Kint used the room he was held in to talk his way out. A bonus: As Kint walks to his car, his straggling limp suddenly turns into an assured walk, the walk of a murderer. The walk of Keyser Soze.

8. Clerks II (2006)

Given that the first is my all-time favorite film, I'll admit that I'm biased when I say that the last half hour of the sequel is one big fuck-you moment. Regardless, the logic holds up. Dante (Brian O'Halloran) and Randal (Jeff Anderson) buy the Quick Stop and run it together, Dante leaves his shrewish fiancee for the woman perfect for him (Rosario Dawson, as nerdy-hot in real life as she is here) and Jay and Silent Bob finally have a steady hangout spot. Romantic comedy standards and others' ideas of how to lead a "real adult life" be damned, this is as touching as a film with a donkey show as a major plot point can possibly get.

(Note: This isn't the whole ending. The final shot, in its own way, is even sweeter than this.)

7. Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

As Olive (Abigal Breslin) performs what's basically a striptease dance to the tune of "Superfreak," the suddenly offended pageant officials demand that her father (Greg Kinnear) get her offstage. Instead of ruining her dream, he, followed by the rest of the family, get onstage in dance, which leads to them being barred from California beauty pageants for life. They accept, push their decimated van up to speed, and then break though the exit gate and out onto the highway and towards the sunset.

6. Trainspotting

This film had to end triumphantly. If it didn't, it would've just been an early precursor to "Requiem For A Dream." After kicking heroin, trying to assimilate to normal life, getting back on heroin, leaving Scotland, kicking heroin again and selling a massive amount of it, Renton (Ewan McGregor) finally decides he's had enough of his friends ruining his life and holding him down. He takes all the money and runs, leaving a tiny bit for Spud (Ewen Bremner), the most honest of the bunch. To complete the fuck-you, it ends with one of the best monologues ever put to film.

5. The Breakfast Club (1985)

I don't think this is the best fuck-you moment ever, but it's easily the most iconic. After an afternoon of brutal high-school honesty, the Jock, the Brain, the Princess, the Basketcase and the Rebel all go their seperate ways, but not before Judd Nelson and Molly Ringwald end up together, and Nelson throws his fist up in the air, in victory.

4. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)

After going through a darkly comic hell involving a massive stop-motion shark, the raid of a pirate island and the death of his long-lost son, Steve Zissou (Bill Murray) has nothing left in the tank. Therefore, instead of watching the true masterwork of a film created out of his story, Zissou sits outside the theater, on the red carpet, smoking a joint with his trophy at his side as paparazzi snap photos. Then, when the theater empties out, instead of being drowned in accolades, Zissou takes a small German boy he met once before upon his shoulders and leaves everybody in his wake as he walks far, far away from everything. Also, the entire thing is set to the tune of David Bowie's "Queen Bitch."

3. The Devil's Rejects (2005)

After barely surviving a nightmarish evening with the psychotic Sheriff Wydell (William Forsythe), the equally psychopathic trio of Baby (Sheri Moon Zombie), Otis (Bill Moseley) and Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig) head for the highway and safer ground. However, Otis stops, and when the camera loops around, we see that just ahead is a police blockade with guns drawn, waiting to kill them. There is no turning back, so the three pull their guns out and drive into a hail of gunfire, shooting to their very last breath. I realize that this is the same ending as "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid," but that didn't have fake blood or "Freebird."

2. Network (1976)

Rarely does a film resonate more with audiences thirty years after its release than at the time of, but "Network" pulls it off, in no small part due to the fact that this film essentially predicted the glut of reality television, decades in advance. While the famous "I'm mad as hell!" rant is the most famous sequence, the best one is the final blowoff that Max Schumacher (William Holden) gives to Diana Christensen (Faye Dunaway). He breaks up with her by pitching her the premise of a television show, in which a woman manipulates a man, ruins his life, and only barely does the man make it out in time. But don't worry, there'll be a nice, happy ending during sweeps week.

1. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)

Being that most of Hunter S. Thompson's life was one big fuck-you moment, it's only appropriate that the film based on his most famous work would be as well. As Raoul Duke (Johnny Depp) finally hits the "edge" (Thompson's explanation for the point of no return, that only dead men have seen), he realizes that the American Dream was never meant to be found in Las Vegas; only the rubble of it. This doesn't stop him, though, as the film ends with him speeding through the desert, waving the American flag and keeping the dream alive.


Somehow, some way, I forgot the climactic destruction of Parilament at the end of "V For Vendetta." There is no way that this list would be complete without a dead revolutionary's body being detonated on a subway train. Also, pay no attention to the subtitles in the clip.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Review: Gonzo

The full title of the film is "Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson," but then I think that there is a flaw in that title, for what Thompson did was not "work," as his writing was purely for a thrill and in search of the truth, and I do not doubt that if any of us could have asked the man himself, he would not have referred to what he did as "work" either. Also, the title has been condensed on posters to simply read "Gonzo," which conjures mental images of the lovable Muppet; this is actually less off the mark, in a sense, as Thompson was figuratively (and later, thanks to "Doonesbury," literally) a cartoon in many ways.

This is one of the central themes explored in director Alex Gibney's (the Oscar-winning "Taxi to the Dark Side") documentary: the idea of a man becoming so renowned for living the life of a "character" that he was driven mad by the sudden necessity of living up to his own legend. Thompson, by the end of his life, was self-destructive, and not in the last-American-hero way that he (and many others) fancied him as living earlier in his life. If he was riding on the charming side of drunk for many years, he flung himself wildly to the dark side of it by the end. When he died in 2004, after shooting himself in the head, many hailed the fact that Thompson had prophetized dying in just this way decades earlier; he would take himself out when he was on top. However, Thompson's first wife attests that he was anything but; she talks of how she directly disagrees with all the people that canonized him, because today's world needed a man like him.

However, as the title suggests, the film is not just about his spiral, but about the long, surreal, often wonderful life he led as a young man. From an incident in his youth, where his richer friends were allowed to leave the town jail but he was incarcerated on his graduation day, Thompson long held to his belief that true honesty was the most powerful weapon against the powers-that-be. This was reinforced when he was sent to cover the infamous Chicago riots at the Democratic National Convention, and many other enraging world events; most famously, his vicious lashing of the 1968 presidential campaigns for Humphrey and Nixon. "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," his most famous work, came to be as the result of his hunt for the American Dream, a concept that he believed was far more tangible than most thought.

I could go on and on about his many exploits, but then I would be running off the entire film. One detail I must make mention of, that elevates this documentary beyond simple biography, is the eclectic cast of individuals that showed up to pay tribute to the man. Everyone from Jimmy Carter to Jimmy Buffett shows up to speak about the life and times of their friend. The film's best touch is the choice to have Johnny Depp read excerpts from Thompson's book throughout, occasionally waving a pistol around.

The strength of this film is that it refuses to simply idolize Thompson; the good is taken with the bad. Regardless of any one man's opinions, though, he was a recluse, a warrior, a pillar of honesty, a modern-day cowboy, a drunkard, a drug addict, an American icon, an idealist, a madman, and maybe, just maybe, a genius.

Sunday, July 6, 2008


A few years ago, Don Herzfeldt won the Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film for the following film, "Rejected." I will say no more.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Review: Wall-E

A few months back, I wrote a preview of all the upcoming summer movies, and in speaking about "Wall-E," I said that it was "going to forever change what filmmakers do with animation." Even this bold declaration does not do justice to how stunning this film is.

The premise, in case you haven't seen Disney's advertising blitz for the year, is that Wall-E (short for Waste Allocation Load Lifter - Earth class) spends his days scooting around an Earth 700 years in the future, that was left covered in so much trash that when Wall-E stacks the trash up in compacted boxes, they form towering skyscrapers. His only friend is a cockroach, and his joy is derived from collecting trash that catches his interest and stockpiling it. While cleaning, he zips around listening to a tape recording of "Hello, Dolly." Now, this first half hour alone is genius in the respect that Pixar is able to do something that no other company would get away with in this day and age: There is nearly zero dialogue, not even in the form of Wall-E's sounds, for the first third of the movie. This works like a charm, for by using physical comedy and a lot of heart before anything really even happens, Wall-E has already become another iconic Pixar character.

There are two important scenes in this first portion that lay the groundwork for the rest of the film. One involves Wall-E watching a transmission by the CEO of the Buy N' Large corporation (one suspects, the reason Earth was destroyed) about a luxury spaceship that all humans will be living on until the trash problem is fixed. The other involves Wall-E watching "Hello Dolly" one night and deciding that he wants to find someone to hold hands with (this is the most touching thing I have seen in a movie this year, beyond a doubt.)

One day, Wall-E's world is thrown into upheaval when a sleek, modern robot named Eve comes to Earth in search of something we do not figure out right away. Wall-E falls in love with her quickly, and one of the film's many fantastic sequences concerns Eve going into sleep mode and Wall-E trying to wake her up by going to absurd lengths to dote on her. Soon, Eve is called back to the spaceship, and Wall-E knows what he has to do: He follows her into space.

The film becomes less quietly touching and more chaotic here, but when the film enters the spaceship, it goes beyond being a stellar "family" movie and enters the realm of new-classic cinema, as well as being the most child-friendly future shock vision of the future ever made. In this future, humans are morbidly obese and have never actually looked at their own ship, owing to the luxury of hovering chairs eliminating the need to walk and computer screens to barrage them with sales pitches every day. Many of the robots on the ship befriend Wall-E and Eve, the most hilarious of which being a cleaning bot with OCD named M-O. The captain of the ship (Pixar regular John Ratzenberger) is the only human friend Wall-E and Eve have on the ship to complete Eve's mission, but someone (or something) doesn't want them to make it.

It is not often that a "cartoon" is this sincerely touching, but audiences of all ages will be moved. Hyperbolic though the following claim will seem, I honestly think this is the best love story since "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." The entire film is set around Wall-E's devotion to Eve, and his willingness to put everything on the line to make her happy, and to one day end up holding her hand. If you imagine John Cusack's Lloyd Dobler in robot form, you have an idea of how compulsively, blindly romantic Wall-E is, and how endearing he becomes.

I have not even touched on the animation, mostly because in this day and age, we are spoiled into assuming that Pixar will blow our minds. Even with that in mind, they have outdone themselves here. The scenes on the ship have an endless depth to them, and the smoggy Earth sequences are unsettling enough that in time, "Wall-E" just might end up being for the Disney set what "An Inconvenient Truth" was for adults. Maybe this is what we needed to stop global warming: A mascot.

I have always found it hilarious that critics seem to look down on animated films the same way that they look down upon video games; even if they review them well, they put them in a different category than "real" filmmaking. If a film with "Wall-E"s writing and creative prowess was re-shot for live actors, this film would sweep the Oscars. It's that good. Just like how "Toy Story" felt like the dawning of a new era from the first viewing onward, "Wall-E" has officially raised the bar for film as a whole.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Tripping the Web

Despite writing on this film blog several times a week, I never really cover news, because I lack the time in a day to do it as well as many other sites do. However, today I feel like it's necessary to cover some current news, in a format that people with attention spans as small as mine can enjoy.

News Item: Paul W.S. Anderson has acknowledged that a fourth Resident Evil movie is in the works.
What you need to know: At this point, they could have Nemesis, a million zombies and MC Chris nerd rapping about the whole thing, and these movies would still suck. Worse still, most website headlines tout "New Anderson movie," which just makes me think that Wes Anderson or P.T. Anderson have something of actual value on the way, instead of another movie by the talentless cockbag who actually managed to make "Alien Vs. Predator" suck.

News Item: Brett Ratner assures audiences that the upcoming "Beverly Hills Cop 4" will not be watered down for a PG-13 rating.
What you need to know: You know what? God help me for saying so, this might not be terrible. I personally enjoyed the PG-13 "Live Free or Die Hard," even if "Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker" was creatively bleeped out. The only thing that worries me is that the last Ratner movies I've seen were "Rush Hour 3" and "X-Men: The Last Stand," both of which caused me internal hemmoraging. Oh, and Eddie Murphy sucks now. Actually...

News Item: Eddie Murphy wants to leave the movie industry and go back to doing stand-up.
What you need to know: This makes me think of a guy apologizing for his infidelity only after he gets caught. You can't say sorry for "Norbit," Mr. Murphy. You just can't. Or "Daddy Day Camp." Or "Dr. Doolittle" (parts one and two!). Or getting up and leaving the Oscars after Alan Arkin deservedly beat you for Best Supporting Actor. You could put out "Raw Pt. 2" and it'd still be too late.

News Item: Megan Fox has told Michael Bay that she doesn't want him to hire any other hot brunettes for "Transformers 2."
What you need to know: I read the article, I absorbed words and information, but all my brain retained was "I will do godless things to nail Megan Fox." Sorry.

News Item: Jeffery Tambor has confirmed that an "Arrested Development" movie is in the works.
What you need to know: Every television critic in America just shot a collective load. This isn't totally unfounded, either. If you haven't watched "Development," stop reading this website and go rent all three seasons. It's one of the best shows that ever hit television and wasn't watched by anyone except for the aforementioned critics.

News Item: The "Dragonball" movie is still happening.
What you need to know: Just say no, kids.

News Item: Rumors are persisting that Christopher Nolan is looking to include Robin in the third and final of his Batman films.
What you need to know: See, if anyone could do this, it'd be Nolan. However....I'm still in therapy to deal with the fact that I loved "Batman and Robin" as a young man, and it'd be a hell of a trick to try and erase that memory across the nation. Of course, I say this two weeks before the world gets its shit rocked by "The Dark Knight".....

News Item: "The Happening" has grossed over $60 million dollars.
What you need to know: God no longer exists. This is proof.

News Item: Helena Bonham Carter has been rumored to soon join the cast of "Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins."
What you need to know: In the red corner: a badass franchise's latest installment starring Christian Bale. In the blue corner: the guy who bought us the "Charlie's Angels" movies directing. Carter is another reason that McG might not destroy the franchise.

That's all I've got for today. I'm off to cry myself to sleep some more over not being able to see "Wall-E" for another two days.