Sunday, February 15, 2009

Friday the 13th: A Review

This movie, after all the glorious hype, is an automatic rental. Don't see it in the theaters. Rent it.

That is my ultimate recommendation. Why? Because it regurgitated the same old ideas over and over again with little zeal and even less originality.

Think back to a little movie called SCREAM: What are the 3 rules in order to survive a horror movie? 1. Don't have sex. 2. Don't use drugs or imbibe alcohol. Hell, the only rule "technically" not broken was 3 because no one ever used the words "I will be right back.". But 1 and 2 where broken within the first few minutes of the film.

I could give damn about single character in this film, though I found it odd that Whitney continued to survive, I also found it laughable that she looked like Jason's mother. Obvious plot twist alert.

So where did this leave me? Unamused, unprovoked and not scared.


1. The new Jason is very tall, very sleek and wickedly strong. He doesn't walk after his victims, he runs. An unstoppable killing machine at its finest.

2. The music in the film was choice alt rock and one early eighties throwback.

1. The saga of the token black character continues with blatantly obvious reverse racism used against his white friends. "What, because I am black, I am not allowed to like Green Day?" I will say the poor bastard did put up a fight. A laughable, predictable, and useless fight and was predictably enough left to die by his white counter parts.

2. The kill scenes are fun to watch, but you see them coming a mile away.

3. I thought Jason might become a more intelligent serial killer Ala' Hannibal Lecter with out the voracious appetite. I was wrong.

Bottom line, if it ain't broke don't try to fix it. But, if you do a remake, please for the love of all that is gross and bloody, REMAKE IT!!!!! Do a Rob Zombie and change up the genre a little bit. Don't be a Michael Bay, throw up on celluloid, and sell it to a hungry public like soilent green. That is just wrong.

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